File under: We ought to be ashamed of ourselves....

I am having a harder and harder time mourning people when they die....


NPR: Elephant poaching pushes species to bring of extinction

Burying my heart...again

When I was in 7th grade, I decided to write a paper on the book Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee.  Quite an undertaking for a 13 year old girl.  The book and what I devoted to the writing of that paper stay with me to this day.  While I cannot imagine what it is like to live in exile in your own land, I know the heartache of not being able to claim something that is your 'birthright'.

Today, I share the capturing of memories from photo-journalist, Owen Luck as he recalls the 1973 uprising, which took place the same year I wrote my paper for my English class. 

From NPR: A Photographer Remembers Wounded Knee, 40 Years Later.  The pictures 40 years later are just as haunting, and the story of the injustice just as raw as the United State government's massacre of innocent Lakota Indians in1890.

Not so much or – Why I CAN’T remain a Catholic – A gentle rebuttal

(perhaps not so gentle)….


A Journey of Faith:

(Why is it people think pagans/agnostics, or even atheists are faithless?)

Between the ages of 12-14 years old, I decided to embark upon a faith journey. An exploration of all that seemed ‘outre’, verboten, and ‘different’ – prompted by one of my cousins’ books on the “occult”, palmistry, tarot, etc. I think it actually began years before that when I would ask questions as a 6-year-old in my Catholic school and was hushed, ignored, berated and belittled.

I was obviously searching outside of myself for guidance and something (it took me years to realize), I needed to find within myself. I finally ended up leaving the church (at what I took was a ‘forever’ sentence, after the passing of my mother).

Here I stand on that precipice again. What led me here? Being disgruntled as an answer seems too pat/easy. Soul searched? Check. Second class citizen? Check. But, mainly, I guess I am tired of belonging to a private, snobbish, elitist club, led by those who talk out of both sides of their religious mouths, proclaiming love and peace while simultaneously spewing contempt.

There was no ‘bad apple’ that spoiled the whole bunch, per se, and, to say I am not hurting is an understatement. I have cried/sobbed over this – it is a loss for me. I should wear black because this time, I am actually in mourning. I LOVE many of my brothers and sisters in my church home including and, especially our pastor – but, since I feel that no one will speak up (they’ve tried), and since I doubt they will listen to me or even the so-called 80% of Catholics who are fed up (an aside here: What the fuck is the matter with you people???? Why aren’t you screaming and demanding change – is that not Jesus enough for you???) – Since I do not wish to put my friends in the kind of position to defend me, and since my pastor took a vow of obedience – where does that all leave me but needing a spiritual home and feeling lost.

My husband, who has put up with enough from me to last an eternity – listened very patiently this time and agreed. Rather than go without a church, we visited our local Episcopalian house of worship several Sundays ago. We were warmly welcomed and greeted with smiles – they hugged one another during the exchange of the Peace at their service. The congregation seems very close knit and this practice is as close as I can get to Catholicism WITHOUT all the vitriol and bullshit of women, or gays being a threat to world peace (REALLY????) and other mind-blowing-didn’t-you-a-holes-leave-this-mediaeval-crap-behind-years-ago-doctrines.

What with the absolute refusal to own up to the sex scandal (reports which seem to get worse every day), the recent WAR on American nuns, (that’s right ladies, that social justice ‘what-would-Jesus-do’ stuff is E-V-I-L!), and making my dear gay and lesbian friends out to be more harmful than justifiable nuclear war – I am simply and irrevocably, DONE.

Peace.

C~

Thank you Salon

...and THANK YOU Mary Elizabeth ('name-does-not-get-more-Catholic-than-that') Williams for baring your literal soul in this piece ("No Matter what, I'm still Catholic") and making me think even further (so much so that my brain actually hurts, but not as much as my spirit these days).

And, while I would LOVE to jump on your bandwagon and hope that by doing so, things would actually change, sadly I simply cannot.  (More on that later).

"Present Shock"

It all started with this: Present Shock - Donald Rushkoff

Stream of consciousness now seems like a misnomer to me. I get mired in the ‘things of doing’ and not the ‘doing’ itself. I waste more time, feel more sad, and have more shit than I need or want, or know what to do with; both in the amount of things, and in the way I have relationships, in my life.

I am so enamored with Yoga – I preach it to people and then end up being a total hypocrite. I want to withdraw and find myself unable to (not unwilling, there is a difference) – because of my ‘obligations’. Again and again, the idea of retreating from the world and devoting myself to myself, to the betterment of the world, and of others seems like a distant pipe dream, something totally unattainable in the current social climate without selling everything I own and either joining a monastery or living in a cave.

For years, count them, nine so far, I have posted words, ranted at the world, and fancied myself a kind of writer, a social observer, a sentient being. Now, I am being called to readdress those notions and very nearly hang my head in shame.

I could try to come up with a laundry list of ‘things I should be doing’ and perhaps be able to pull it off – and maybe that would be enough to shut up that little voice inside of me that is beginning to question everything I think I believe in, everything I cling to – but to what end, and what would it solve?

I think it is time for a new path, a completely different direction as I find my own time dwindling and my own life winding down. I do not know what that vision looks like right now. All I know is that it is needed before I find myself careening off of a cliff and plunging headlong into the depths of the ordinary....

"Through the Looking Glass" - A re-post

Once upon a time (indeed) - I used to write under another pseudonym...

I am posting this because I have ANOTHER post to make soon - and so the journey continues
***********************


"Through the Looking Glass"

By Rhiannon

I saw an interesting ad recently in one of the alternative press runs that Cleveland has to offer. It was one of those box ads on the last page and the advertisement was aimed at people "Who hate church but love God". I found this ad to be a bit disconcerting. (I am glad the person placed the ad and I am not offended by the ad at itself). It simply made me wonder about my own experience. I mean is that why I left the church? Because I hated church? I eventually had to admit it was not the 'church' I hated. It was the image of God that church was trying to 'sell' me.

Church in and of itself was nice. I was nice being able to go socialize with people after mass on Sunday; it was nice to go into a place where they lit candles and burned frankincense, with stained glass windows and organ music.

I left because I could no longer deal with the hypocrisy. I left because the promise was fading and more often than not, I was left feeling empty and sad. I left because I was sick and tired of hearing them ask for money instead of nurturing my budding soul. I left because I did not feel that women were treated with the same respect as men.

I'd like to think that there is a church out there with walls and windows and a roof that acts the way a church should act. Acts as a haven from the world, as a place where we put aside our differences and treat one another with love and respect. As a place where even the poorest of the poor help people in need. A church where people aren't expected to empty their pockets blindly, but willingly - and if they have no money to offer, they offer their services/help instead.

I hope and pray that there is a church out there where 'Christian sensibility' has not been replaced by uptight morality; where all ideas are given credence - and even the young have a say. Where women are allowed to officiate without fear of ostracism. A progressive church that is active in its community without being judgmental. A church where love and honor between consenting adults is not a sin - even if those adults are of the same sex. And if those adults wish to be married in a religious ceremony - I pray for a church that would welcome them.

A priest once told me that God is not bound by the laws of man, nor is he bound by man's words. Now that I am older, I would like to ask that nice man why exactly he thought those laws offered up by his church were the 'only' ones that had to be followed. I tried to be good and listen to the teachings being offered to me, it is just that they did not seem to make sense to me and still do not today. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I expect to have my cake and eat it too. I am not looking for an easy way out of a moral dilemma. I am looking for a well-balanced medium.

Any religious person attending a church, or even a minister would perhaps tell me that man/woman is sinful and that we need a church to enforce God's 'rules'. Perhaps we do. However, I do believe there is a story in the Bible that refers to Jesus treating a common whore with great respect. I am left wondering what would happen if a prostitute wandered into a church on a Sunday morning, dressed, as it were in the uniform of the street. Would she be treated the way Mary Magdalene was treated by Jesus? Or would there be an outcry and the sinner asked to remove herself?

I am not knocking any particular church. If you know of a church out there which fits my wish list, please call me or write to me because I would love to attend. But for now I think I will simply worship at my private altar or around my table with my friends and loved ones and share in the communion we create amongst ourselves. You are welcome to join us if you like. We promise not to brain-wash you or ask you for money. We do promise to make your think - that is if you are up for some thinking. Maybe that is part of the problem here - the general complacency of the population. Perhaps we like our theology spoon fed to us by people who deem themselves 'holy' and righteous.

I know my Catholic ancestors are rolling in their graves, but *I* am happy this way. If however I prove to be wrong in the face of St. Peter at the gates of heaven, well the hopefully the God *they* taught me about won't be holding a grudge.

Bright blessings!

Shattered Peace: Sandy Hook - Newtown

I have tried, turning this past Friday's events over in my head like some limp over-easy egg and coming up with no easy answers.  Just a general uneasiness.  And sorrow....unimaginable sorrow.  I have shed tears, but I have yet to get angry.  Determined, but not angry, outraged, pissing off (and losing) friends, but not angry.

Gun control is only part of the equation.  The main and driving theme here seems to be one which we are unable or unwilling to look in the eye.  That is - how we treat the mentally ill, those that are outcasts, and people who are hurting in this country.

There is speculation about what a shitty mom, this kid (his name won't be mentioned by me ever), had. What a monster he was.  But in truth folks you don't know a god-damned-fucking thing about this kid, his life, or his mother, and it seems, neither did his peers.  And that is problem number one.  We don't care, we don't know our neighbors - or if we do it only seems surface.  We do not seem to care, we just don't want to be bothered to care, or we are too busy, or too facebook-ey, twitter-ey, or whatever the social-media-crap-of-the-moment seems to be.  We give this news our undivided attention when we should have been worrying about this family/child BEFORE the news media served it to us piping hot 24/7. We argue with one another over it and call each other names and defriend each other, my, my aren't we fucking brave.

We place our kids in front of violence, and ignore them, while many in the middle class give them everything they think they need, but god help those whose kids are 'out there', 'weird', shunned.  Where do those people/parents turn?  To a shooting range I guess. To anything and everything that might allow them to quell their fears for a bit while they desperately try to keep their kid 'normal' - never knowing if they may be dealing with a time bomb waiting to explode.  And what help is there? Glad you asked; why there's drugs, there's counseling, there's TV, Internet, IPods/IPads, Video Games, there are all sorts of distractions....but no answers.

We live in an age where sensationalism rules the day, where we conjecture, and spew ignorance like it's the best thing since sliced white bread.  We try to distance ourselves from the inner city with all it's horrors and yet, the inner city, at least to me, doesn't mask it's illness with oh-so-many-cul-de-sac-virtuous-neighborhoods.  There's a certain resignation.  Well guess what - this innocence we seem to take for granted has been shattered - so what ya gonna do now you white-bread cowards?  Take more valium? Put your kids on more ritalin and sugar-sweetened cereals?  Laugh over your martinis while Jimmy is in the next room playing Call of Duty?  Yeah you go...you all go right to hell.

Here's some light reading for you: Facing the Unimaginable, and Leading Anyway
And: Two questions you should ask yourself every morning

My heart aches for every single family member of EVERYONE affected by this tragedy (including the shooter's family - yeah cause I am fucking crazy like that) - and all of the tragedies that we just seem to be ignoring, piling up like so much social garbage.  I am not sure my heart is going to heal from this one though.  Until we decide to get our priorities straight in this country, I am not sure any of this is ever going to end.  I hope it does, in my lifetime....but hey, maybe, if we are real lucky, those Mayans will be right and this Friday we won't have to worry about it anymore.

A unique gift idea

Want to give the gift of helping to get a great work of literature published for Christmas? Need a unique gift idea for that special gamer, geek or all around smart-person who enjoys a good Gothic/Speculative Fiction story? Here's an idea:

Help back our kickstarter project:

Con(Viction) - An Anthology of the Con

Seriously kids, there is some great writing in this collection of short stories. Horror, Speculative Fiction, Steam-Punk and even some naughty bits.  We have a cast of international writers - so go now and give the gift of promoting the arts this year - it's like naming a star...only different.

NPR: Top Ten Things I Am Not Going To Do During This 'Les Miserables' Screening

Top Ten Things I Am Not Going To Do During This 'Les Miserables' Screening


^_^

I want to take my step-daughter to see this - I hope she enjoys it....