Friday, March 31, 2006

Photo shoots and appearances at fairs...

Last night's photo shoot was OK - I showed up to one of our satellite locations and had the clinical director paged (as I was told to do) and apparently she could not be bothered to come over and meet me. I waited then decided to let myself into the room where the shoot was going to take place. I was about to go get changed for the shoot when I received a call from the photographer who was waiting outside. He asked since it was a glorious day out was I 'tied to the idea' of shooting indoors? I decided I was not, (especially after having been snubbed), and told him to let me get changed and I'd be right out....

I walked outside into a wonderful, warm, early spring, late afternoon setting and we had our shoot on the 'grassy knoll' (LOL he kept calling it the 'grassy knoll' I really wanted to tease him about this but for some reason hesitated). I did the shoot sitting in Siddhasana (a basic seated posture) with my hands on my knees in Guyan Mudra hand position. I sat there while he checked the light and proceeded to sit through the shoot - the wind was beginning to come up and eventually my eyes began to water...but I think (hope) it went well. We finished up and he tanked me and I thanked him (and invited him to come to a class), then we went our separate ways...I will try to post the article when it comes out.

In the meantime, tomorrow I am going to be teaching the afternoon Yoga session HERE and you can see the poster immediately below. For those of you who are local and want a gander at me in action and have nothing better to do with your Saturday afternoon - come and see me. Otherwise I hope your weekend is amazing.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Cuba restores Hemingway "Old Man and The Sea" boat

Cuba restores Hemingway "Old Man and The Sea" boat

I will probably get in trouble for this, but I actually enjoy reading Hemingway...

15 minutes of fame for a 'Superhero' ^_^

I now apparently have a 'super-hero' title (well sort of) - a fellow alternative/complimentary practitioner called our group of practitioners:

'Agents of Light'

That has got to be one of the greatest things I have ever heard. I consider myself an 'Agent of Change' especially since I am bringing Yoga, and Yoga as a therapeutic modality to the people at the hospital where I work. It is humbling and frightening and exciting all at once to be on the edge of this type of work.

And now it's starting to roll at an ever increasing speed towards legitimacy and becoming bigger than even I could imagine. My 15 minutes of fame is arriving and I am a bit nervous....

Yesterday, I was interviewed by the local paper (over in the next county (Lake) which is the county I live in) and today they are going to do a photo shoot to accompany the piece that will run in early April which is going to help advertise my Yoga class...

I am trying, throughout all of this, to remain clear and's hard, with it coming at me so quickly at times, to catch my breath and maintain my sanity. Overall I am thrilled and feel joyful and grateful for all the help and support I've received from so many friends, family member, students and strangers.

Yesterday as I taught my class and opened up with my usual 'talk'; I told them about the PBS special that aired last night called 'The New Medicine' , then I shared a bit of wisdom with them that I had just finished reading from the book 'Emotional Yoga' and the quote read (probably not verbatim here):

Only you can ensure your own happiness. Everyone else is probably too busy anyway.



Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Eclipse prompts meditation at Egypt's pyramids

Eclipse prompts meditation at Egypt's pyramids - Yahoo! News

How cool would it be to meditate at the pyramids?

Way cool!

Protests put pressure on French PM

Protests put pressure on French PM - Mar 29, 2006

The stories I am hearing lately (and the images being seen from France and those here in the US , of illegal immigrants and legal immigrants), about protest and dissent – lead me to wonder about the laziness of the general populace here in the US. In France – students and workers are banding together to bring the daily grind to a halt with their protests.

Here in the US, people who may be affected by proposed changes in immigration law have mobilized by the thousands and are making sure their voices are heard.

I am aghast that the other citizens who claim that they are upset by the current administration's behaviour and incredible incompetence...I just can't figure out why we can't be like them...banding together, bringing the country to a standstill...

I suppose people are afraid - but that's what they count on, is our fear. Our unwillingness to put our principles to the test, to hold our collective feet to the fire in the name of something bigger than any one individual has me saddened to say the least. I suppose it's asking a lot of people to stand up and put their voices together to make a difference (or let's say get a president impeached).

Oh sure, we can 'count' on our local representatives (or should I say perhaps you have faith in *your* local representatives - I personally don't)- but what's better than protest? I am not saying let's go riot in the streets - but if we were to 'band together' and cause a ruckus - don't you think they'd listen - or send out the riot police to douse us with tear gas...

But in this land of youthful democracy the methods of letting your voices be heard that stand out in my recollection (and from those boring history books)Bostonthe Bosotn Tea Party, and the protests over the 'war' in Vietnam (of which I got a chance to participate in...) - people sat up and took notice...

I think it's sorely needed and I think our voices should be raised in unison and in one of the oldest American traditions in protest if you feel your rights are being violated.

What's new Pussycat?

Singer Tom Jones Is Knighted



You go Tom!

A word from your sponsor/poster that would be *MOI*

It has been brought to my attention that I have not posted in a while - this is true - been very busy, and a nervous wreck of late....

I've got stuff to post (lot's o' stuff to report and more personal writing) - and I will get to it - promise! Not like you guys are on the edge of your seats or anything....


More adventures with BritishBrian

Brian Asquith aka BritishBrian this is my friend (and yours now too! ^_^)
British Brian - a rugged chap with a flair for adventure.

At any rate, he wrote everyone in our little 'group' asking for support and contributions (he's definitely not shy about such things - it's why I love him - so this is one of the ways I am helping by posting this).

If you'd like to help him make history this is your chance.

Saturday, March 25, 2006


I've been writing a lot of letters lately - to let people know how I feel - typically these are people that I don't get to see in person or it's just better to write to them like in a letter because they probably would not be able to 'talk' about the things I write about comfortably face-to-face. I don't consider it a cop-out - I am more than happy to tell things to someone's face - but these letters stand nonetheless...

The first one is to the guy that had been pursuing me somewhat relentlessly via phone and sometimes e-mail - we have never met and that's mainly because he's always too busy, either with his 'job' (and I am using the term loosely here), or his young daughter...he was telling me that he was involved in a non-profit organization (he had created himself) yet the times when I talked with him about it, he seemed so secretive it was completely off-putting. Then, there was the fact I could not call him after a certain hour because it would disturb time with his daughter, and it's not that I don't respect that - but c'mon - he could have certainly talked to me later in the evening, once she was 'in bed' and it just seemed weird since he claimed she did not live with him...there were other odd things too and it just didn't 'add up' so I became a bit wary of him and his motives...

There was always something 'not-quite-right' with him and when recently *I* had to cancel yet another one of our 'scheduled' meetings he suddenly changed his tune (meanwhile he had cancelled on me a half a dozen times...)

So I wrote him:

'I thought I would write to you because I really didn't like the note on which our last correspondence ended and while you barely know me (for real) and I truly have no clue as to who you *really* are - I still feel the need to speak my truth - you may disregard as you will..up to you.

I have no idea why what you wrote last to me was tinged with a certain sarcasm.(And perhaps that's MY projection - but it did not feel that way) while I did not mean to assume anything about you - it holds somewhat evident to me (if only by what transpired each and every time we spoke) that YOU WOULD BE BUSY.

I can't help that I too am busy - and I figured that was what the problem between us, with our constantly trying to 'meet up' but never being able to. I never judged you harshly on our 'mis-steps' and I certainly don't appreciate any judgment on your part - it was not meant in any way to harm - we just never seemed to synchronize our schedules. But then I was pretty up front with you (as I am with all potential suitors) about how hectic my life is....

For the record - you had written to me previously a while back on a different sort of match-up thingy - and you seemed rather desperate then. When I decided to talk to you this time, I told you I could not be reached during the day by cell, because I worked in a hospital, and yet you would call me on my cell several times during the day - I don't want this to come off as chastisement but it seems to me you paid no attention to anything I said - perhaps you were off in your own little world?

As a woman who just got finished dealing with a spouse who was completely irresponsible - it did not do me any good to hear you up and quit a job suddenly regardless of the reason - I am looking for a man in my life who is fiscally in good shape (and it has nothing to do with materialism, John - it's just common sense) - so you perhaps can make ends meet on your non-for-profit job - however a lot of what you discussed with me came across as you being rather unstable and at times it felt even 'secretive' I don't know why. Even though it gave me pause that you were at one point (apparently), a diamond dealer - because I worry about the poor people suffering at the hands of an unscrupulous diamond businesses in the Sierra Leone region - I still decided you were worth meeting...

You seem to be a 'name-dropper', John - and further you seem to think I would care about it - I don't. And while I admire your efforts to help others less fortunate, I DON'T CARE who you know - it is of no consequence to me - famous people are still just people and I always got the feeling you were trying somehow to impress me and I am not easily impressed anymore.

You have a young daughter - frankly John, that should be an alarm for me - and I DO believe I mentioned this in an e-mail I wrote to you, but you of course probably disregarded that too - I have a son who is ready to graduate soon. I am probably not going to be best suited to being in a relationship where there's a little girl to be reared (not that it would be any of *my* responsibility - however it WOULD impact me) - and you seemed REALLY busy with her and that's a good thing and a wonderful thing - but I suppose I was looking for someone with more in common on some of those 'other' levels....someone more free to just be spontaneous etc...perhaps someone who is not as 'tied down'....

Good luck with everything, John. I hope your efforts to help those less fortunate than yourself are successful. I wish you peace.'

The next one is to my son's father - I've been feuding with him and trying to get him to co-parent with me and it's like banging my head against a brick wall - I always come up bleeding. When for my b-day, my son did not even manage to get me a card and 3 days later showed up with a $50 gift card that his dad 'made him buy' I had had it...with both of them:

'Dear M -

I don't know if you will get this letter, or, barring that if you will read it - I kind of doubt it...

Tony finally brought home my gift card yesterday but I am simply not interested in it at all - and I am not mad, I am hurt. I don't men to seem ungratful - I do appreciate the 'thought' - but it's not what I wanted and certainly not in the manner or spirit in which it was presented to me - more like an obligation and not out of love or caring...

I am tired of this and I am sure you are tired of hearing me complain.

When I took up the parenting of Tony after my marriage went south, I figured I was helping you out as well. I was hoping between the 3 of us we could heal some of the rifts that took place - I guess I was wrong.

I am absolutely frustrated with how difficult it is to get you to parent with me - I thought we were BOTH parents to him - not you in your way and me in mine - not us playing tug of war with a teen pulling the strings - I thought we were ALWAYS supposed to present a united front - but instead, he plays us against each other and I find myself always having to battle you as well - we *both* put him in the middle (which is wrong of BOTH OF US) and it's not healthy either - but what I am trying to do is get you to CO-PARENT WITH's not something that should be open for debate my dear, HE'S THE KID, *WE'RE* the parents, or have you forgotten that?

When Tony and I went shopping at x-mas time for your present, we put some thought into it (and likewise you guys seemed to put some thought into mine so I want to thank you for that) - but for my birthday this time, it was just total bullshit. All I actually wanted was time with you both, a nice dinner,perhaps a cake - just time together - a card maybe - not a $50 Visa card for god knows what - to me that's a cop out and I am saddened to realise that neither of you care enough or know me well enough to figure out I don't need a gift card - if I want crap, I can by crap for myself. What I really want you can't manage to help make happen, I want some respect, I want some kindness, I want to mend what little remains of the shards of this family in the little amount of time we have left before Tony goes off to college etc. This is a family YOU AND I created - but because of the bitterness you have towards me STILL within you, I get treated like the enemy and in turn now, my son treats me the same....

Every single x-mas or b-day, I am handed a 'laundry list' of gifts to get for Tony and he expects them and he usually gets them between the two of us - but to me this is a cop-out on our part - the best gifts I've ever gotten were where people took some time and effort but I suppose this makes me a nut case in your book.

And I don't want you yelling at him about what I am writing to you - this isn't you and him against me - this is me speaking to you as an adult about issues that I feel need to be addressed - you are so inappropriate with him at times I can't even begin to fathom it. Tony is your SON - NOT your buddy or friend and your treating him as such is doing a huge disservice to him and it actually demeans a father/son relationship. When I try to engage you in things to talk with you about what's going on you turn around and yell at him and say things like: 'Why can't you make your mother happy?' um for the record, I don't want or need my son to make me happy - I am trying to teach him to be responsible and act in a manner befitting a kid with some respect for his parents and some common sense. You think I am being too harsh, too strict because I feel it's improper of him to be sleeping over at his 'girlfriends' all night on the weekends or simply not coming home all weekend at all - I suppose this makes you proud of him or some such shit - but it's not cool M -, it just isn't, and while it might be OK with her parents (her dad's an alcoholic and her mom's either clueless or oblivious) this is not an 'I'm-going-to-look-the-other-way' scenario for me - they can do their 'white'trash' thing in their home but it does not mean I agree or approve of these kids sleeping together and don't hand me that it's completely innocent. You keep putting this on Tony having to make me happy and that's NOT what THIS is about; it's about him being only 17 yrs old and her just turning 18 and them both being a bit young for this - and that might make me prudish or out of touch but you know what - better I be this way than a grandmother by them...or make his girlfriend have to get an abortion - are you OK with this? Cause I think as parents we NEED to and it is our DUTY to help them make the right decisions - and yes he's getting older and in your book he's a man - well in my book they are both still me a lunatic (and you probably do).

For the record, not that you care, I DO think Tony is brilliant and wonderful and I think he can succeed with his music or with anything else - but he also needs to hedge his bets so he does not have to work a meaningless job while playing gigs in bars at nights and then still be unable to support himself (let alone a family if he and this girl have an 'accident'). I think that he needs guidance, not as in your estimation when he turns 18 - a trip to Amsterdam complete with hookers and all the drugs he wants. But hey, what the fuck do I know. Quite a bonding experience for the 2 of you there, some men fish with their sons, you're going to buy yours a hooker - nice. Even nicer that he thinks this is cool and worth passing onto his mother almost like throwing down a gauntlet; a 'look how cool dad is and how un-cool you are' type of thing, and this isn't a least not in my book it isn't.

I don't know what do to or where to go from here, I don't know what to even say anymore. I am sorry if this is harsh and comes at a bad time. I want a dialogue with you as an equal, as his *other* parent, but you have to want it too, M - and you can't buy any of that with a $50 Visa gift card.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Just of my favourites and goes with my mood


Stasis in darkness.
Then the substanceless blue
Pour of tor and distances.

God's lioness,
How one we grow,
Pivot of heels and knees! ---The furrow

Splits and passes, sister to
The brown arc
Of the neck I cannot catch,

Berries cast dark
Hooks ---

Black sweet blood mouthfuls,
Something else

Hauls me through air ---
Thighs, hair;
Flakes from my heels.

Godiva, I unpeel ---
Dead hands, dead stringencies.

And now I
Foam to wheat, a glitter of seas.
The child's cry

Melts in the wall.
And I
Am the arrow,

The dew that flies,
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red

Eye, the cauldron of morning.

Sylvia Plath 1932-1963
American Poet

DailyOM - Dark Moon

DailyOM - Dark Moon

..and as if to echo those feelings of connection to the Goddess energy within me...

Meanwhile, back at my ego....

...and it occurs to me that I’ve been neglecting my *real* writing (trying to ‘chronicle’ my life my ‘adventures’) and instead have just been ranting about life in general….perhaps my writing is ‘escapism’ and right now I want the nitty-gritty-day-to-day bullshit so I don’t have to look at a blank page – and it’s not writer’s block for me – I can more than spew crap out onto the blank page – but that’s just it I don’t want it to be crap – I want my writing to be well,’s the insecurity of it all and I think a lot of people who write think their writing isn’t all that great (unless you are Stephen King or -insert name of writing egomaniac of your choice here...), it’s like painters, sculptors ANY artist – one feels one could have always done better...been more brilliant.

I have part II of ‘My Carnivale Season’ put together I just need to finish it up and post it...I don’t know what’s keeping me from doing so...

...and I’m lonely – I want to date – it’s crazy – I can’t stand the way most people try to contact me via the dating web-sites (that I have basically decided are worthless) – I mean the arrogance, the stupidity, the vapidness, the looking-for-the-next-missus crap; it all kind of blurs together. When I do find someone that I think might be worth pursuing they have things in their lives that really set off alarms for me – like young children (OK I am not trying to be a bitch here – but I am not going to raise another child – I am divorced from a guy who was a child masquerading as an adult – and if you think it does not impact me to be dating someone who has young children, think again...just not up for it, not at all), or they come across as too materialistic, or not financially responsible enough, or so *yawn* boring with no creativity to speak of and then I begin to wonder if I should avoid artistic and creative types, or...and so on.. There's just tons of things...and while I am no picnic myself at times – I think I deserve at least someone I can get along with and with whom I can find some chemistry...and I realize by meeting them in-the-flesh vs. the computer I have just as much a chance of finding out unsavory things down the line (which is why the computer appealed to me in the first place) but I am not getting anywhere on the Internet (and it’s bad – it’s awful out there – but then I get the feeling it’s awful dating no matter what and I’ve been told as much)...

So I keep saying this – I am going to try to just get out more and meet people – go to the gym, work out (but I think that’s a bad way to meet people, it feels like a bar sans the alcohol). Also, I’ve signed up for a ‘Progressive Date’ event where you meet like 30 people in one evening and I am sure I will be overwhelmed by this but hey it can’t hurt, right?

I just don’t know what’s going on out there – and I get the distinct feeling there are guys out there who feel EXACTLY the same way I do but I don’t know where they are or if I am ever going to meet them…and if I don’t it’s OK – it really is – I don’t want to come across sounding desperate...because I am not – this needs to be right for me…


Then there’s the dreams, dreams at the edge of periphery, of stillness and shadow, or of hushed moments highly charged and erotic, the feel of flesh against flesh, but not being able to see who’s touching me nor who I am touching; it’s like there’s a veil between us and it’s lifted only for the brief moment of ecstasy and then becomes a wall again; glimmer of a woman, sighs, silk, sensual lushness, urgent yet languid and luxuriant...almost a waiting till it reaches a heightening crescendo and then just as quickly it’s gone..I feel I’ve been touched by the spirit of my own restless sexual energy; it’s a moment most intimate, a tantric episode, that lingers, taunting me with the promise of things to come...

...but what?

Hugh Symonds - Photographs

Hugh Symonds - Photographs

hey gang - go check out this guy's work - it's pretty cool as you can see below...

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Putting my money where my pen is - part II


Here's the letter the good Senator DeWine wrote me:

March 23, 2006

Dear C -:

Thank you for contacting me.

As you know, following the attacks of September 11, 2001, President George W. Bush authorized the National Security Agency (NSA) to begin monitoring international phone calls in which one party is in the United States and one party is a member, or suspected member, of a terrorist organization.

In a time of national emergency, I expect the President to take such actions to protect our Nation, even if those actions are not specifically authorized by statute. Public and congressional awareness of the program now has caused a great deal of debate and has sparked a series of hearings in the Senate Judiciary Committee and briefings in the Senate Intelligence Committee. I am a member of both committees and have participated fully in these hearings and briefings.

There are legal and constitutional questions about whether the President must, after a period of time, come to Congress for statutory authorization of the NSA program. Certainly the country and the President would be stronger with such authorization. I believe that statutory authorization and Congressional oversight for this program would avoid a divisive debate in Congress and throughout our Nation. Accordingly, I have written legislation which would authorize the surveillance of terrorist communication, but also would help ensure substantial Congressional oversight and judicial review.

Under my legislation -- the Terrorist Surveillance Act of 2006 (S.2455)
the President would need to reauthorize the electronic surveillance program every 45 days. Also, after no more than 45 days in each individual wiretapping case, he must decide whether to terminate the surveillance, refer it to the FISA Court for a warrant, or direct the Attorney General to justify its continuation to new Congressional subcommittees. The new subcommittees, which would be within the House and Senate Intelligence Committees, are dedicated exclusively to providing oversight of the NSA program. To enable further vigorous oversight,
the subcommittees would be equipped with a professional staff responsible for monitoring the program and reviewing the individual surveillance cases. Also, my bill would require the President to go to the FISA court for a warrant as soon as he has sufficient evidence to do so and put procedures in place to ensure that the rights and liberties of Americans are protected. Finally, to help guarantee that the Terrorist Surveillance Program exists only as long as is necessary to protect our national security, the authorization for the program will expire in five years
unless reauthorized by Congress.

Again, thank you for contacting me. Please feel free to contact me anytime with additional questions or concerns.

Very respectfully yours,
United States Senator


And here's what I shot back:

Senator DeWine,

With all due respect sir, do you really think you answered ANY of my questions by sending me an account of more lame legislation that you intend to create which will basically be ignored by a president so far out of control that it's become like watching a puppet show with his hand up all of your rear ends? And I suppose I could blast you for your thinking that anything you introduce at this point would even be worth the paper it’s written on – or be able to stop the lunatic currently masquerading as president form doing whatever he damn well pleases. But I suppose you are entitled to your delusion if that is what helps you sleep at night and look at yourself in the mirror.

You're kidding right? You didn't answer any of my questions with anything more than the rhetoric that I've come to expect from politicians, which is why I would never vote for you to begin with, or to keep you in the office you currently hold by the grace of those dumb enough to fall for what you seem to be selling - I suppose I am not interested in a bill of goods that mortgages our rights or our constitution. And believe me when I tell you I am more convinced than ever to make sure that the existing representatives currently housed in our senatorial and congressional offices are booted to the curb where you all belong. It's insane. You did not offer answers to any of the questions in my letter - to say I am surprised by this would be a lie but then perhaps that's how the government of this country best functions, by lying to it's citizenry.

Thanks for nothing - no need to reply - I doubt you yourself, personally even read what I took the time to write.

Actor Charlie Sheen Questions Official 9/11 Story

Actor Charlie Sheen Questions Official 9/11 Story the risk of sounding paranoid....

CNN picked up this story today....


Minimum Security

Via 'Boing-Boing'

Minimum Security

'South Park' kills off 'Chef' - maybe

'South Park' kills off 'Chef'- maybe 'breaking' news from CNN (glad these guys are on top of things).


Putting my money where my pen is...

Yes, kids I HAVE written scathing letters of disapproval to my representatives...HAVE YOU?


Dear Congressman LaTourette,

I am writing to you to voice my concern and frustration over many things.

I did not vote for you - nor do I ever plan to vote for you, mainly because I don't think you are capable of doing the job I expect or want my representative to do (and am entitled to as a citizen)- and, so far you have not disappointed me in this regard. I am sure you will stop reading this letter at this point - so surprise me (as well as yourself), and read on...

I will do everything in my power by exercising my voting rights and using my voice to make sure you and other members of the congress and senate are voted out if you continue to support the man that is currently inhabiting the Oval Office. I'd call him *my* president but he's not - and he is (in my humble opinion), leading this country to ruin.

This is not meant to be a threatening letter. I am very angry however, at how my rights as a citizen seem to be disappearing and I feel helpless to stop it - other than letting you and my other representatives know that I will campaign against your re-instatement as a motivated citizen and a registered voter.

I am a woman, I am pro-choice, I vote - it's pretty simple - you have no right to take away *my* right to determine what is good for my body. That’s a private decision between me, my doctor and my creator (if I believe in one at all). Your religious mores mean nothing to me - they never have, they never will. I am increasingly apprehensive that this country is turning into a religious-based country and that is definitely NOT what our founding fathers wanted. My beliefs are private between myself and my creator and they don't need to be legislated nor do I appreciate anyone else's religiosity being rammed down my throat or in my face and that is exactly what is taking place here. I am tolerant, translation: I have gay friends and I believe they should be allowed to show their love for one another by getting married. It’s not a man/woman thing – it’s a love thing. How very unprogressive of you to think otherwise. They are humans. They love. They are entitled to the same rights as any other humans in love. You can’t mandate love – if you are so hell-bent on being concerned for the sanctity of marriage why not make it harder to get divorced? Or is that around the corner for us as citizens as well – to remove even more of our rights? It’s legislating our privacy and our sex lives – is that really any one else’s business? I certainly don’t think it is.

I am also a pacifist - I am against the war in Iraq. I am against all war - but especially this one. It is baseless and a fools errand - there was no reason to go to war with Iraq other than for the obvious - as a vendetta played out using humans as sacrificial lambs to satisfy George Bush and his daddy. And all for oil? Almighty oil. Do you have a son or daughter sir? Are they in danger over there? It's time to bring our troops home. Enough is enough.

We need to, as an assurance this will not happen again, cease our dependence on foreign oil because - and here's a clue - we are basically supporting the very terrorists you and the others in the congress and senate claim are a danger to us - we are lining their pockets and funding *their* war - how smart is that? It's time to make renewable energy resources, and other things that matter - a top priority in this country.

We are spending more money than we have - is that not of concern to you? Do you have to balance your checkbook sir? Are you not more interested in creating jobs for Ohioans, or in making education and creating an educated populace so we don't have to farm out important tech jobs your number one concern? Shouldn't it be?

I want president Bush censured. I want him impeached. He has, by spying on American citizens, by lying about the reasons for going to war, by having total disregard for the constitution of the USA, broken the law - by supporting him sir, you have as well. You should be ashamed of yourself - I am embarrassed much of the time to be an American - mainly because I feel that we are losing our credibility with the rest of the inhabitants of the global community. As a nation we need to do our best to show ourselves as intelligent, tolerant and forward-thinking and I fear instead we are viewed as inept, war-mongers who can't seem to stay out of other countries’ business while at the same time being unable to take care of what is most important in our own back yard. My folks used to say that charity begins at home. With the rise in homelessness and joblessness, inner-city crime, and people having to use welfare - I don't think we are being charitable to the very people that you (and our other representative) are supposed to be helping as a representative/neighbor/human.

It is time to re-think this country’s objectives and you are either going to get on the bandwagon with the rest of the concerned world citizens or not, but, by not attending to the concerns of 1/2 of the voting populace and continuing to support a regime that resorts to stripping us of our rights - your (and other representative’s) actions (or inaction in this case) speak louder than any rhetoric or political message you send out otherwise.

I hope you will think about what I am saying and perhaps search within yourself for the right thing to do before it's too late to do anything.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Good night, and good luck...

....Cause we all need the luck these days....

Went to see this last night (Tuesday was 50 cent night at the local Cinemark - what happened to that damned cent symbol on the keyboard???)- it was an excellent movie and an incredible directing job by Mr. Clooney - he seems to have his finger on the pulse of exactly what IS wrong in this country - lucky for him he has an Italian villa to go to when the shit hits the fan...or the bombs start falling.....

I was very impressed with this film. It also scared the heck out of me because of the timing and the obvious parallel to what's happening in this country now. The only difference is that back then there were *real* journalists with spines, not patsies for one political affiliation or another. People spoke up; fear was rampant but they managed to stop Joe McCarthy before he could completely undermine the basic tenants of the civil rights guaranteed us by our constitution...

Too bad we all seem to be spineless and sniveling in fear these days. President Bush seeks to remove our rights systematically, insidiously and we all just sit here, not willing to act to demand his censure or impeachment. I am horrified, and saddened, and scared to death. I don't know why more people aren't screaming for his head. (Or perhaps we all are screaming but OUR ELECTED representatives have forgotten who voted them in - we can vote them out too kids.)He's broken laws (just like Richard Nixon did)...he has kept us in this so-called war way too long, he's trying to start others (if any of you are paying attention). It's time to stop him and his administration before they do too much damage - but I fear we are all a bit too late.

I don't agree with or like war, as a means to solve conflict, who does? But I have to say if war is necessary why then are we being so lame over there? Did we not send enough troops? Are they so badly trained that they can't complete the mission? Why are we hearing reports form military personnel that they are UNSURE OF THEIR MISSION? WTF??? Look we're the US of friggin A, right? Are we not supposed to be able to kick ass better than this? I always thought so...

I was not born when Senator (a junior sentator at that) Joe McCarthy had his way with the country. I am old enough to remember living in fear (we are all living in fear now - aren't we?) - back then, journalism was an honest way to make a living and a journalist's hallmark was that of integrity, honesty, reporting the facts that were not tainted by someone buying and selling the 'truth' or slanted to corporate or political affiliation - ah the good old days. And I am not inferring that there weren't 'crooked' journalists or that the 'news' was not for sale at times - but it was a different time and place and people had backbones - people seemed to know right from wrong (at least the lines of demarcation were a bit clearer) and corruption seemed to be as black and white as this film Mr. Clooney has made. Perhaps technicolour has somehow mired our vision.

Life then was beginning to get complex and people like Mr. Murrow wanted to make sure America stayed the land of the free and the home of the brave. There aren't a lot of men like him around these days and that's a shame. He set out to slay a very big dragon indeed and he it's our turn.

It's time to slay some real monsters people...get your courage up and put your money where your mouths are - your opinion where your polling places reside, and use your voice, your vote, your blog, your whatever-the-fuck-it-takes - and let's give America back to the sane, rational and tolerant individuals and take it away from the war-mongering, intolerant, corrupt, relgiously-fanatical lunatics at the helm of what used to be a great country...we can make this country great again but we have to fight to win the war against ignorance and incompetence....unless that is, you are happy with things the way they are now...are you?

No, I didn't think so.

Steve Vaught walks across America to lose weight and regain his life

Steve Vaught walks across America to lose weight and regain his life

check this out - it is really inspirational - we could all learn a lot from this man.

NPR : A Political Warning Shot: 'American Theocracy'

NPR : A Political Warning Shot: 'American Theocracy'

...and it just keeps getting more and more frightening...

For a good cause

For you locals....if you can attend this it's for a good cause.

Found out about this through a guy that I *almost* had a date with but unfortunately we've not been able to hook up with one another despite repeated attempts (something always happens to thwart it - it's probably a 'sign' or something...LOL perhaps I could just show up to this thing and meet him then...) blah, blah, blah - not important in the light of what this is all about...

At any rate, like I said this is for a good cause go check it out

NPR : When it Comes to Publicity, Authors Have No Shame

NPR : When it Comes to Publicity, Authors Have No Shame

This was really good (and honest)...take a listen...

Letting Go....

When I was pregnant with my son my husband and I used to muse about what he'd be like - we found out early on (thanks to my son's dad arguing with the technician) that it would be a boy. We picked out his name early on...Anthony. So my husband began talking to the baby inside of me and every time he did this, Tony would move inside of me. I practiced Yoga too - so my son must have felt a lot of love.

When after my son was born (he was about 10 months old)we went for a visit to Rochester, NY to see my husband's parents and bring them their long-awaited grandchild. We stopped at one point during the road trip to go into an antique store (I love antiques). I looked down for a moment and saw a tin that bore a striking resemblance to my baby boy. It was stamped with the image from Bessie Pease Gutman's painting 'The Awakening' and this was what it looked like:

I was amazed - *this* was what my little Tony looked like as a baby...we bought the tin then and there. I still have it somewhere....

Letting go...It's not easy, it's never been easy. I don't know why. You would think someone who had lost her mom as early as I did would be OK with loss.

I don't know why I find it so difficult. I don't think I am 'clingy' and perhaps it's a matter of 'empty nest' syndrome beginning to appear on the horizon of my life. My daughter is gone and soon my son will be leaving as well. While I view these life changes as a form of adventure I still 'hold on to' the people I love and I am 'attached' to them, despite my best efforts to recognise the futility in that. As a Yoga teacher I know better (or I should say as a fledgling Buddhist-wannabe); we should all become somewhat detached, as much as we can bear to manage I suppose.

When you are a passionate individual - when you love fervently as I seem to - the idea of letting go, or of allowing a person to move away can be tough and perhaps it stems from the loss; perhaps it stems from my being without my son for so long (his dad was custodial parent when we divorced); perhaps it's different with sons and mothers vs. daughter and mothers...who the hell knows...

All I know is I've been crying and he's been struggling and he's been trying to make his own way and become his own person and I guess it seems to him I am an obstacle to all of that as he strives to leave his parents behind and forge a new identity. I need to stop standing in the way. And all the while I am so overwhelmed by the sadness of losing him to the 'world'.

When he was little I used to have horrible 'visions'/dreams of my son being killed or hurt - the visions were always accompanied by a foreboding that something was going to happen and there was nothing *I* could do to stop make matters worse, both my father- in-law and my daughter had the same sort of dreams about him. So I don't know why my visions were happening - whether it was my own sense of guilt over leaving him with his father and not being there all the time with him or my own sense of general 'loss' but then how to explain the others' same dreams? Weird and scary.

A friend once told me 'you will come to a place where there will be acceptance if such a thing happens to him.' I find this incredibly hard to believe, for how can you lose a child and accept it? I mean I am sure hundreds of people *DO* go on after losing their child, I just could not imagine me being able to; in fact I *knew* they'd have to lock me in a rubber room if I didn't outright kill myself. And I was pretty sure I'd kill myself if I lost him. Yet not my daughter...why? Because I wanted to kill her as a teen. LOL - sad but honest and horrifying at the same time. And now that I am fighting with him I am furious with him, with myself and incredibly sad as well because I always felt we had a better relationship than this...

Relationships change and sometimes they change for the better and grow and soemtimes they wither and die - I don't want our relationship to die - I seem to insist on some modicum of 'I'm the parent, you're the kid and you will treat me with respect' bullshit and I mean it - but it's failing and it's floundering and I don't know how to forge something new because I still think of him in terms of 'the boy' and not 'the man' I can SEE the man in him - but he's still my baby. He says he loves me, I know he does - but I know he wants nothing to do with me and it's more hurt (bruised ego?) than anything else. Can I learn the lesson I need to learn here? Not sure. I am furious with his father too because he's the root cause of much of this back-and-forth, using passive-agressive behaviour and pitting both of us against each other in order to maintain his 'favoured' father status with my son and it truly infuriates me and I am going to talk to him as well but I am not sure what good any of it will do. In the end what needs to happen is for my son to move out, get his own place in the world and see how life *really* is and then - if we are lucky - we can forge a new and better bond, one that will last beyond this time and space, one that will emcompass all the unconditional love that should be the hallmark of the parent/child relationship. One can only hope.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Bittersweet and sentimental journey, but, you *CAN* go home again

So off we all went to the hamlet of Pittsburgh. Saturday morning - pretty easy since my St. Patrick's day did not involve in any way shape, or form getting soused.

We all drove in a caravan, me and my younger brother following my baby brother and his family. To appreciate Pittsburgh (for the uninitiated) I recommend going in the spring, summer or fall not at the dead end of winter unless (like me) you have relatives or an actual plan and things to do for your visit. Pittsburgh is a wonderful city. I love Pittsburgh. The trip was a sort of melancholy one - a mixed bag filled with sadness, familiarity and happiness and that's what life is - so you could say I had a big slice of life's pie. (At one point, when I got to my Irish granmother's house I told my sister-in-law I felt like I was in the commercial where you hear Robert DiNero talking about NYC and how it's his heartache and his greatest I said 'bittersweet')

To capture the essence of this city you really have to (should) visit, but these pictures speak for themselves:

This is where the 3 rivers meet:

Twilight time in downtown:

The night skyline:

First off (per the insistence of my sister in law) we went to Ikea ; (insert an 'Oh my God!' here. It was amazing and you really HAVE to go check one out),we were only there for an hour but I could see where I could spend easily hours perusing this store - in fact I told them I was going to begin to have seizures if they did not get me out of there because it was simply too overwhelming.

Well then we were off to my aunt 'Jada's' house. We were of course late (and this made me feel really bad but it could not be helped). The traffic in Pittsburgh is often horrendous and leaving a place like where Ikea is situated on a Saturday when they are the only store like this for miles away did not help. Further it's easy to get lost/confused while driving in Pittsburgh - and the route we had to take was frustratingly difficult. But we made it there for a late lunch and sat and talked. It was good seeing my mother's sister (she is also my godmother) - her house was just as I remembered it and she herself (although 85 yrs old, blind and crippled) was still spry and amazingly sharp. At one point when we were leaving she said 'I am not the same old Aunt Jada' I answered, 'You will ALWAYS be the same old Aunt Jada!' and she will. This was probably the hardest of the visits we were to make to the city of my birth. It was difficult seeing her struggle - it was even more difficult not getting to eat her amazing Italian cooking (she and my mother were both amazing cooks and I am lucky to be 1/2 that good myself) but being in her presence and seeing my eldest female cousin was really wonderful - just sad as well – so many of my relatives are gone now or informed or just simply don't talk to each other and that's hard to witness.

Next was my Uncle Frank's we also got lost going there - all of us (my siblings and myself) lived in Pittsburgh however, none of us ever drove there - I know my way around MY old neighborhood and can find my way to my Aunt's blindfolded but not to any other family member and my brother being even younger than me I think had an even harder time...

We went to my uncle's for dinner he is a heart transplant recipient and seems to be in amazing health. His wife, not so much. My youngest cousin (Chrissy) was there and it was wonderful seeing her - she is a famous author. Their entire family is basically a the success story of that side of the family - rather obviously I might add due to the fact that my uncle was - well let's just say it's like walking into a scene from the 'Sopranos' without the overt violence but you know it's an underlying theme (that type of background - let's just say my uncle did work a 'normal' job but he also had 'connections' and let's just say that sometimes those other ways of making money weren't so legal. My aunt always had a new fur coat, they lived in the finest neighborhoods with all the accoutrements, color TVs, jewelry, velvet paintings, French décor, always over the top. I remember for my first holy communion him showing up and pressing a $100 bill into my palm and my mom went ballistic - and ripped it up and told him to never bring 'that' money into her house again - I remember not being phased by her outburst and instead went on to admire my new green and blue neon-jewel-like watch). So basically his children had the best of everything (while we were perhaps a couple steps above 'dirt poor') and because of that my cousins in that family are doing very well themselves, very successful. The oldest boy (3 months older than me) is a head chef for a restaurant in NYC. His younger brother, my sister's age, is an investment banker who has a wine cellar with wines totaling in the thousands - I was told by my uncle he just recently sold off $25K in wines so he could put in a swimming pool (yeah, conspicuous consumption, how nice that must be, am I jealous? NOPE not a bit (seriously, it does not matter to me at all. As I said his baby girl Chrissy is married to a surgeon and is a well-known author in her own right, Chrissy is the most down to earth of the bunch. My aunt Angie (uncle Frank;s wife) put on quite a spread, it was amazing. I like her cooking to that of my mother's and my Aunt Jada. I mean there was salad, bread, pasta (baked rigatoni with ricotta cheese and pepperoni), chicken cutlets, meatballs, and a vegetable 'bake' with zucchini with lots and lots of cheese. There was wine (lots of wine!), coffee and dessert (2 different pies). It was way too much food and of course if you refuse anything you end up insulting them. Mange, mange!

The visit was typical of such visits but different in many ways. In the sense that we are not children anymore and there's nothing to be intimidated by; as these people get older they hang onto us with vigor, with a love they seem to have misplaced, misty-eyed and reminiscing about the past, always painting it more rosy than it ever was; we were treated well, like visiting dignitaries, and with a sort of respect I was unaccustomed to - every now and then my uncle would do the 'Tony Sprorano' bit but then he'd stop and go back to being the perfect host. My uncle was always charming and my mother's brothers were all drop-dead gorgeous - I mean *really* absolutely gorgeous men - my mother too had 'movie star' looks and the highlight of the evening was going into my uncle's 'study/office' where he surrounds himself with pictures of his family including his long-passed-on brothers and my mother. My uncle, tears welling in his eyes told me my mother looked like Merle Oberon (and yes I was too young to remember who that actress was - but my mother's beauty was unsurpassed, unfortunately, I didn't get much of it to say the least). It was amazing looking at these pictures and I found myself transported to a different time and place, where life was tough but in my estimation more *real* than it seems to be today and family was everything, simpler ways of living were the norm and we all had time for each other – and yet times seemed more sophisticated (that could have stemmed from me being a child) but people had better manners and more common sense. The evening ended with happy thoughts and promises to 'do this again soon'; we went to our respective hotels where I got to share a room with my snoring brother - so my sleep was sporadic and fitful.

Got up early the next morning, took a shower and headed to the 'Southside' to see the Irish side of the family. This was a much more relaxed visit and more fun. We were early this time and my cousin answered the door in her pjs complaining that we were too early but they were all thrilled to see us. This was my grandmother's house and so many memories came flooding back (including those of being molested there on her front porch). All but one of my cousins from that family showed and they in turn brought some of their children and grandchildren. The house was filled with laughter, children, food and love - it was wonderful and the best birthday gift I could have asked for. I felt closer to my girl cousins on that side than I ever have (and we were never particularly close) but age and distance does something to people and I think we all realized that this is important and staying in touch is important and family is a great thing. I am going to try to get there more often.

Coming home was anti-climatic and now dealing with the drama with my son (another huge blow out last night) does not help my mood or my feelings all that much. I just want some peace in my life. I want to have a refuge from the crap I deal with daily and not have to deal with his 'artistic' temperament. He said another round of things that really hurt me last night and I don't even know where to begin...I guess the sad thing is that I feel he truly believes the things he says and that hurts the most. When I see my cousins rallying around their mums part of me wonders, is it love or obligation? For Aunt Jada I am somewhat convinced it's obligatory - for the rest of them (on the Irish side and even my uncle Frank's kids), it's love, but then that family always seemed to be very tight knit while the Italian side was always fighting and I guess I'd rather emulate the Irish side (LOL with the food of the Italian side). All in all heading closer to the grave (as it were) makes me think a lot; I am hoping and praying that my son and I will survive this rift/shift in our relationship and if we don't well then I guess that's not going to be anything strange if most family dynamics are any indication.

Friday, March 17, 2006

LOOK! There's a snake!!! Where????


A very Happy St. Patrick's Day to one and all - I am off to my brothers' (both of their humble abodes) to have some pints and visit the wee folk (my niece and nephew).

Be safe and enjoy the day and the weekend.

"May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past."

..again via Easy Bake Coven

Susan - whom I have never met and yet somehow I adore her, am drawn to her blog like a moth to flame - finds the most amazing artwork.

One of these days (if I am lucky) perhaps I will get a chance to meet Susan because she has to be one of the coolest people on the planet....hey! I know! Let's have a 'Bloggers' convention - that would rock!


Thomas Kinkade's "Meth Lab in the Woods" a Poor Seller

That One Blog: Thomas Kinkade's "Meth Lab in the Woods" a Poor Seller

I had to post this - found it via Susan over at Easy Bake Coven


Some beauty to gaze upon...

Via Creatix (and Every Woman is a Goddess blog) - featured is the art of Helena Nelson-Reed. Her artwork can be found HERE and HERE

A Wrongful Birth? - New York Times

A Wrongful Birth? - New York Times

I heard the author of this story from the New York Times last night on NPR. This story is heart-breaking and gut-wrenching, and it really should make all of us think - especially those that endeavor to insist that every single pregnancy should be carried to term - I am just wondering how many of those people would pay for the medical expenses incurred by this family (or how about their heartache? Are you going to bear the brunt of that I wonder?) - or how about the expense to those of you (and ALL of us ultimately), insisting that abortion is murder, that comes from the FACT that when you want to squeeze out all those christian-soldier puppies you won't have a decent obstetrician because cases like this put them out of business; are you going to pay that price too?

NPR : Making a 'Smoking' Satire of the Lobbying Industry

NPR : Making a 'Smoking' Satire of the Lobbying Industry

Should probaby go see this....

For the record - I hate smoking - I am sick at the very thought that my son lights up (cigarettes)- sick with it! However, I believe people have a right to smoke; just like I believe they have a right to drink, to do drugs etc - it's THEIR bodies, which means, ultimately, they have the right to abuse those bodies. I think that makes them idiots but that's just me. Now perhaps the issue should be about do *I* have to be the one to help PAY for their medical care when those bodies go south from that very abuse? Well I don't think so. Perhaps the answer is that they have to pay higher premiums for their health care.

When we begin to take away people's right to do such things as smoke, and drink, or have certain types of sex, then something very wrong is happening in this country and it's scary. If people are committing crimes that's one thing - but it's not a crime to have a cigarette/cigar with a glass of whiskey - we would have had to put my dad and all his brothers in jail years ago...and that's crazy talk.

Thursday, March 16, 2006


kind of suck...seriously we all know they do...

unlike my ex I am not the type to throw my OWN friggin party - never happen - not in a million years...and I DON'T EVER WANT A SURPRISE PARTY - EVER!

Today was a let down - I tried sleeping in - my daughter woke me up at 8 AM - in years past she could not even remember my birthday. My son dragged himself out of bed without so much as a 'by your leave'...he's still not home...

I got some great cards and great sentiments. I don't know where C2 found the picture of the 'Carebear' birthday cake with 'Happy Birthday C-' on it - perhaps there's an internet cake decorator-generator thingy - it was cute and funny and thanks C2 - and yes I HATE 'Carebears' because I a communist *giggles* - seriously I hated all that shit (Carebears, Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Bright, My Little Pony ALL of it)

Thanks to all of you you who left me a comment how kind of you - thanks from the bottom of my heart


I am feeling very low - probably because my son's dad offered to take me to dinner and I told him off. Why you might ask? Cause I am sick to death of pretending with everyone - especially him and my son these days - he didn't *really* want to take me to dinner - it was pity (and don't write me telling me off about this I've known the guy for like 20 years now) and my son's following right in his old man's footsteps - yafuckinhoo...not even a birthday card - yep thanks son (the killer is that last year he bought me a DVD of Led Zeppelin in concert - I like Led Zeppelin - I really do - did I want their concert DVD? Nope. I still thanked him, and he's been the only one who's ever watched it. I think I am going to re-gift it back to him. Do you think he'll notice?) I mean there's no sense of putting some thoughfulness into anything anymore - I realise he's a teen but yet I am handed a detailed list of crap every time he wants something (AND IT'S NOT ABOUT THE GIFT PEOPLE - it's about the thought) - it's all such bullshit - next year I am going away - just like for this x-mas coming up - I am not going to do this - I am going to go away - I don't know where, I don't care - I am sick of this and I need some time for ME - time to be selfish - the hell with everyone else for once....should have done it THIS year.

LOL so I go off today to actually *treat* myself to something - do you think I could find what I was looking for - hell no...I am an idiot. What I actually wanted was one of these:

But a ladies' size etc. and of course my timing sucks cause tomorrow is St. Pat's so there were none to be had - I even looked on-line came up with THIS ONE but I am not sure - and there was all sorts of crap on E-Bay but who knows what you are getting perhaps tomorrow I will go to an Irish Import store and take a look see but I don't even think they are going to be open on St. Pat's

On a good note - got all the stuff completed with my car (ah I live for the mundane) - looking forward to going to Pittsburgh - although most of the time will be eaten up by visiting family (which is wonderful) but I love to go there and check out all the wonderful venues/shops/museums but there won't be time for that. I guess I am going to have to drag Mr. C or C2 down there one weekend to 'play'

Well enough for one evening I guess I should just turn in...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

{whispers in little sing-song voice}

happy birthday to me...


This evening (March 15th, the 'Ides' of March, and the eve of my b-day) as I left Yoga class the sky was putting on a twilight show in honour of the coming spring. It was beautiful and breath-taking. That time of evening talked about so much in so many ways - the one way I recall most vividly was when I was reading Casteneda and how the Yaqui Indians told that the apex of the evening was the best time to kill prey for a meal (and I know this sounds cruel and very violent and I certainly don't hunt or kill defenseless little rabbits etc.) but it just stuck with me for some weird reason - perhaps it can apply to eating one's meal - that that is the time when we gather the most energy - perhaps it's simply the best time to enjoy a beautiful early evening sky, perched on the edge of the beginning of spring, of new life blooming and winter passing away...

I am always humbled at these moments because I feel so small in comparison to the universe and all that surrounds's the time when I get what my teacher refers to as the 'cosmic joke' so very clearly. It's when I realise that all this belly-aching, bantering, bitching is for naught and despite my fears, my anger, my unresolved and never-ending barrage of emotional baggage that in the end all IS right with the world and things are just as they are suppose to be...

Often (especially lately) I forget that lesson. I forget how to be happy, how to be grateful, how to be blessed and filled with grace, how lucky I truly am and how much I really do have to be thankful for...

And so, as I slide down that slippery slope toward the middle decades of my life and end of my existence on this planet, I am melancholy but peaceful. I realise that while I strive to make a difference and suffer like many others out there at the futility of that notion/action, that every little bit *does* help. I know that I am no longer the woman-child I was and that I am now much more than that awkward young girl - yet I still cherish who she was because it all culminated in bringing me to this path. I can look forward to being alone on my birthday and being OK with that - I can sleep in tomorrow, take my time, go get some chai/breakfast, read a book or a newspaper, or my new Yoga International magazine, and then head out and get done what I need to get done (car inspected, tags for my car, oil change) and I can revel in the mundane tasks that make me human and connected to the reality of everything. I can be OK with not having a celebration, not getting presents or cards because I am finally at the age where yes that stuff is nice but it does not matter and it never really did, and while I won't say I don't enjoy gifts or surprises, the greatest gifts in life are those we give ourselves, health, good friends, peace of mind, kindness, introspection, faith, love, spirituality. I will never grow tired of those gifts.

(I think it's a bit odd that people actually put a 'wish list' on their blogs - I find that a bit tacky and selfish and I'd never assume that a stranger would buy me a gift - that just seems so very 'out of place' with the 'real' me - it's just off-putting - although I must admit to a certain curiosity about people who do that and if they DO indeed get gifts...LOL - gee perhaps in a moment of weakness I should succumb....)

But it's good - despite all the turmoil, life is good, and exciting and fresh and spring is coming and I have a lot to do with myself and with others and thanks to God/Goddess for making these moments possible for what else is a life composed of but our moments strung together, one after another, reaching towards eternity/infinity and then returning to the earth where the cycle of life begins again....

Currently listening to....what else? ^_^

This was the first Chieftains CD I ever bought

I began collecting Chieftains music - more often that not I was able to find it used and I was thrilled at all the permutations - as I said they are amazing...

Now this is a bit different because Ashley MacIssac is really radical with his approach to traditional Celtic music..

Been listening to....

I adore Loreena - she is so intense and I was totally amazed by this album

This is a 'brought to you by the Chieftains' album - it rocks

And the next two are definitely NOT Irish/Celtic but still beautiful:

I am in love with Sufjan - just 'discovered' him - his music has a grace and a haunting quality about it - just incredible...

The Chieftains - Celebrating 40 years of music

: The Chieftains - Celebrating 40 years of music :'s that time of year again - when I drive people nuts with my love of Celtic music and the Chieftains are so much more than that...

Blood on the red carpet

Guardian UK: Blood on the red carpet

By Annie Proulx - she says they were robbed...

I tend to agree with Annie... - Anderson Cooper 360 Blog - Anderson Cooper 360 Blog

Interesting (Note: C2 blogged about this already as well)

It is definitely good reading and definitely thought provoking.

I'd like to hear some of you guys (men) out there thoughts on this one...

The Torn-Up Credit Card Application

The Torn-Up Credit Card Application

FYI....scary stuff...thought it would be good to pass on...

...and *another* thing...or two

...just additions to the library *sigh* I REALLY have to stop buying books now - well except for the Yoga books because I DO use them for reference and for teaching purposes and I will especially use the one featured here...

Found this,heard her writing is superb:

and then I found this 'gem' of a book and I am devouring it now - it is actually helping me (especially with everything that's been going on with me) and it is a wealth of information to help students too; also check out HER web-site :

...and now for a bit I am done....not sure I'll have anything interesting to write of for my b-day - not sure it matters (it's all good) - I do have some *other* stuff going on I can't write about here - and of course I need to finish the chronicles of the carnivale - it's slowly coming together.

Beware the Ides, kids, and don't drink too much with the amateurs for St. Pat's...

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

WVIZ: Featured Program: 'Real Age Makover'

WVIZ/PBS: Featured Program

Last night on PBS I got to see (well I caught bits and pieces of this, I was too tired to focus) the amazing Dr. Michael Roizen and a wonderful special on how to ad years to your life.

Dr. Roizen is co-author of the following books:

As well as:

Dr. Roizen co-authored with one of my other big-time 'heros' Dr. Mehmet Oz - Dr. Oz is an extraordinary man, a world renown cardiologist and a Yoga enthusiast (he does Yoga in between surgical procedures)....

Then I realised (oh my goddess) *WE* have Dr. Roizen at OUR I wrote to the head of the Center for Integrative Medicine - told her about the program and she is working on networking with Dr. Roizen - I have never been so excited - like I might actually get to meet and WORK WITH these people - I mean it's just mind boggling - and what's even better is that I am on the same page with the medical director for the center and she values *my* lowly opinion...I mean that is so cool (have to remind myself NOT to talk this way in front of these people) - but it IS wonderful and here's hoping that we will be able to network and bring all of this knowledge and benefit to our employees as well as patients....


It's not cool however to do this 'roller-coaster' thing...but I suppose if one has to live one's life then a roller-coaster is just as good a vehicle as any other - obviously I am going to have 'things' in my life that I can't control or feel are controlling me or hindering me (like the taxing emotional toll of raising a teen-aged boy to become his own man) and then there are the 'highs' of being able to know you are doing what you 'love' to do and what you want to do while making a difference on this planet and you can get excited about's weird, it's thrilling, it's *my* life...


So the 2nd (annual?) 'Cheesy Movie Night' was really great fun - loads of 'cheesy' food substances, exchanging 'Cheesy' movies (and I do believe I took the bronze, silver and gold in providing the most cheesy fare for the buck) by bringing the following cheesy horror flick:

I also brought: A 'cheesy' Burt Lancaster western and *gasp*, a 'cheesy' movie about venereal disease

(*takes small bow and falls* - fans snicker)

But the best part of the evening was when we watched (*swoon*) my hero:

It was way more political this time and way more angry - and I loved it - cause I so totally agree with and I so identify with this woman that it isn't funny....I want to get 'Margaret Cho for President' t-shirts made.

All in all kind of a 'take no prisoners' evening.

Thanks guys - I love your parties....

Rox Populi

Rox Populi

...I've decided that I am going to 'feature' blogs I consider to be note-worthy etc.

So again: GO HERE NOW!

This chick rocks!

...what it is...

...and I'd like to say it mattered...that so many people care (and IT DOES this is not to insult them or to minimalise their feelings/kindness)...

It's just that it doesn't matter either (hard to explain); not when you are stuck inside; trapped by your own feelings of negativity, sadness, general worthlessness (let's throw a pity party - no let's not)...and it's nothing and everything at the same time.

My birthday is coming up - and, it's not that - I've never cared about getting old(er) - still don't perhaps it's all that is happening around me and I can't break free of it to enjoy; or won'’t allow myself to...I never liked my birthday either or celebrating it - for ages it was always tinged a bit with sorrow...

Had a wonderful time at 'Cheesy Movie Night' over at Liam and Shawn's despite having to drag a friend I'm not that thrilled about in general (just because her whole '‘take'’ on things and her demeanor drives me nuts a lot of the time - sort of like her comments 'Oh I watch Charmed - do YOU watch it? I mean you being a 'pagan' and all..' leading to 'I've told people that some of my best friends are pagan' and I want to say 'bitch you would not know pagan if it came up and bit you in the face' and of course because she's still 'very good' friends with my ex and every chance she gets she has to remind me of that...I mean I don't hate her, but then I am not fond of her these days either; don't know why I invited her to come along except that I know she loves Liam and it's good to see her soon-to-be (although he's being forced into being marriage) fiance at times and then also seeing another former kind of 'friend'/ acquaintance there, one that I was not expecting (also not that thrilled about in general - especially since she acted like I was her long lost twin or something...I hate shit like that; I don't like people like that - they strike me as very 'fake' - sorry...but it's *my* honesty (rearing it's ugly head again), what can I say...not my party - but it was fun nonetheless and more on it later...

So went home that night and I was up, very late, (as you all can see from my last posts that 'day') until like 2 AM - went to bed and then began to realize that my son wasn't around...I was wondering where he was; it's not unusual for him to be gone on the weekends late and roll home in the wee hours - but for some reason I was 'concerned' (more than normal) well I could not sleep for thinking of 7:30 AM he still was not home - by 9:00 AM still not home so now I am losing my mind; when he has 'crashed' at friend's houses in the past, he'd let me know...all of a sudden past visions of my daughter's stunts when she was this age came flooding back -(she went missing for 36 hours though and did it as a 'show' of independence) – by now I am out and out panicked - so I begin calling his friends - finally got a hold of one who said he was hanging out with the girl he's been seeing (oh yes my son is finally dating) - so I call this girl's home - no answer - her mom works at our local Speedway so I went over there and re-introduced myself and asked after my son - she tells me yes he was over there and that he slept on the couch - she also said she offered him a ride home that morning and he refused saying that he had to go to his band practice and then to this point, I was guessing he was not planning on coming home...I was a bit infuriated by this. His one friend must have called him cause when I got home, he was calling me and being a bit apologetic. I told him we were going to have a talk. I talked with his dad as this is something I feel I need 'back-up' on. His dad constantly hits me with the 'Buddhist' take on things even, though he's not a Buddhist nor does he have a clue about things like 'respect'...he says things like: 'Well he's 17 now, what are you going to do when he's 18?' What *will* I do then? I will STILL expect a call or a note or some inkling as to where he is, some way to get in touch. I am his mom and it's only common courtesy to let me know - I do not ever say to him 'no you can't be out' I don't care if he's out - I just want to know he's is the problem with that?

So we had a family meeting and both of us sort of laid into him and he was seemingly remorseful but again I felt like he and his dad were just not as sincere as I'd hoped, (not trying to project here) - but I felt like it was 'lip service' and I mean I was so upset I was having heart palpitations with fear over my son – and I worry - a lot - way more than I should or need to, but there's something about when you think your child might be missing and the re-visiting of those past emotions that went one when my daughter WAS missing washed over me and had me so tightly in it's grip that I was actually experiencing heart palpitaitons with son when he heard this changed his tune - my ex was un-moved - he was more angry that *I* was bothering him with this stuff...and now you know why *we* got divorced....not a hint of unification when dealing with what should be shared parenting issues....

Further at one point we were all down visitng my land-lord (who actually did give my son a tongue lashing when he heard what he had done) - and my ex begins to mention that I had been out late visiting my 'gay' OK WTF??? What the hell does the sexual orientaiton of my friends have to do with anything and what fucking difference does it make what time *I* came home - *I* am not the teen here and I did not not bother to come home WTF???? I was livid - not only because my ex was being a total fucktard but because I *like* my landlord (and when I say like I mean would like to date my landlord), and while I'd never date ANYONE who was not gay-tolerant - it was none of my landlord's business and most certainly not my ex's place to discuss MY PRIVATE life...

I just can't believe this....

So I had absolutely NO SLEEP for 2 days - I was home sick yesterday - but went to teach my Yoga class (another ocuntry heard from - for a later post)- I was totally exhausted last night - got home and once agian my son was no where to be found, no note, no message - nothing - I went to sleep too eaxhausted at this point to care until around 9:30 PM when all of his friends decided to start calling at 10 minute intervals - by 10:30 my blood was boiling - by 11:30 my son was stillnot home - when he finally did come in (not long after 11:30 PM) with a different girl in tow - I quietly called down to him to come upstairs and then told him to send *this* girl home (I know this girl from his past - I like her enough but I was in no mood to have him enetertaining as Hugh Hefner, Jr. while I was trying to sleep) - he went down and told her she had to leave (at my request - and at this point I don't even give a fuck) and then he came upstairs - we talked more he stayed really calm - I ended up crying (just too much emotion not enough sleep) - I told him that he really had to start making a concerted effort to let me know where he was - we discussed getting him a cell phone - we are both going to have to work at this....and I hope we come up with a solution soon because I am wearing thin - too thin to keep dealing with all of this.

He's a good kid - he really is - but it's often the 'good kids' that get in the most trouble and I sometimes have visions of 'things' happening to him - awful things I can't even explain it at times...and perhaps it's merely my 'overactive' imagination - but it does not feel that way...

not at all....


...feeling like crap...

Long story - not sure it's worth telling....

Stuff to blog...not sure that's worth it either...

Just generally unmotivated, bored, sad, cranky, lost, fed-up...

...yeah - so what else is new?

Sunday, March 12, 2006

712.swf (application/x-shockwave-flash Object)

712.swf (application/x-shockwave-flash Object)

Word to the wise - don't go to this link it will make you dizzy

Ok that's it - I mean it - I am REALLY GOING TO BED NOW!

Cause this just gave me the most incredible headache...




OK so before I go to's the link. It's an extension for FireFox.

Go check this out - beocme an addict like me and we can jones together....


Guidelines for Cats

Guidelines for Cats

...yep like I said addicting...I mean it's 2:30 AM for chrissakes....

Jackson Pollock by Miltos Manetas

Jackson Pollock by Miltos Manetas

Oh my Goddess....

I found this through Stumbleupon....

This site ( absolutely addicting....

Whoa...I mean I spend WAY too much time in front of my computer now....woe is me


Friday, March 10, 2006

Molly Saves the Day: 03/01/2006 - 03/31/2006

Molly Saves the Day: 03/01/2006 - 03/31/2006

...and since we're on the subject anyhow...


And I know a lot of you are sick of this - oh well too bad - complain about me on your blog....

I'll change my tune when that idiot from South Dakota changes his....or when this country realises that women have the right to make this decision on their own without any help from law-makers....

Online NewsHour: South Dakota Bans Most Types of Abortion -- March 3, 2006

Online NewsHour: South Dakota Bans Most Types of Abortion -- March 3, 2006

Just more grist for the mill....

You know I once asked a priest (I was something like 11 yrs old) why if the Catholic church banned the use of contraceptives why they weren't willing to help pay then for the loads of kids they seemed to want Catholics to have - he had no answer...

Is our government ready to pay for more people to be on the dole? (oh wait I forgot they are cutting social programs right) - so OK is our country willing to sit back and watch the kids that are going to be born now die of starvation because their (possibly) single moms can't afford to raise them? Or how about pay for the crime that *might* come as a result of them having to live in poverty and desperation?

And for the record I don't believe in using abortion as a means of contraception but if you read below you will find that sometimes we don't have any other choice...

Look, this isn't ultimately about some dinky little back-woods town - this is about women's rights to good medical advice and care. This is about hard-core fundamentalists/right-wingers trying to get the chance to overturn Roe V Wade in a very blatant way.

Those same fundamentalists seem to be screaming about abortion being a sin and against God - well I'll tell you people what; why don't you go park your asses on the mean streets of Detroit or LA, or (insert name of crime-infested inner city of your choice)wherever, and then talk to me about sin? Let's talk about desperation shall we? Does your god mention that in your book of common prayer? What, you expect the lord to solve all your problems don't you? Does your god pay your bills? Just curious? Are you such a good Christian that you would take a pregnant black woman in off the streets, pay for her medical care, and raise her child as well as educate that child so they have the same advantages as your own flesh and blood - are you really *that* good? Just curious...

Here's *their* solution: Put the kids up for adoption - um yeah ok - no that does not work, too many people want cute babies from China or Russia, while our American kids languish in foster care or let's see that plan doesn't work....

Here's the ones they use on kids in schools: Don't have sexual intercourse until you're married - yep that's working - fools, don't you know your own kids what, are you nuts? Kid ARE having sex, people and they aren't protecting themselves either - brilliant plan there...

Women's rights to contraceptive choices are being challenged too, so what's a woman to do? Why isn't the answer to make men just as responsible? To have men get vasectomies? Do you really want 1/2 of the American work force to go back to being June Cleaver and Donna Reed - don't you kind of like the extra money we bring in? Do you really want us all barefoot and pregnant?

If the men in charge are going to take away women's rights to make medical decisions about THEIR very OWN bodies - how does that make those men here any better than fundamentalist Islamics who won't let their women read, who feel they *own* their women - that women aren't as equal or worthy in the eyes of god somehow - or are we just too stupid for you all? In essence, don't women become nothing more than chattel?

I have to ask, when did we decide that only MEN knew what was right for women's bodies or that only MEN know what's in God's mind - are you really privy to what God wants or doesn't want because you have a penis and *I* don't...

Well gee I guess that *does* make you better than me...

Here let me take off my shoes right now and commence to makin' those babies while I put on the kettle, get you your slippers and pipe and cook you some tasty victuals....


(Note: Please don't write to me telling me I am bashing men, OK - I know not all men feel that way that bastard in South Dakota feels - my main problem is where *are* all the women? Why aren't they protesting louder? And I don't mean just on a blog somewhere - how many of you MEN and WOMEN have written your representative lately telling them how you feel - telling them you won't vote for them if they continue this insanity?)...just curious...

Greenfield: With port deal dead, do you feel safer? - Mar 9, 2006 - Greenfield: With port deal dead, do you feel safer? - Mar 9, 2006

Good article - he makes some really good points....

It's all such a complex on NPR I was listening while people in Saudi who were interviewed said that by us nixing this deal we are proving the point of Islamic extremists who say: 'See they hate us cause we are Arabs...' - I don't hate people form the Middle East, I don't hate people who worship Allah - heck I don't worship the same God as regular Christians (LOL in fact at times I worship a goddess - I guess that makes me nuts)- I can identify with the my god's better than your god thing....

But on the other hand to allow people who helped in part finance 9/11 to run our ports? I just don't see how that should make any American feel comfortable - would they let us run their ports? Perhaps - but then we're not sending terrorists to fly planes into their buildings either....

I don't much like seeing the smug looks on the faces of the democrats where this becomes some 'let's pat ourselves on the backs, yuk, yuk, yuk...' idiots! (That's right I called the Democrats idiots, C2 - and of course everyone else out there as well)....cause they too are idiots.

We are, ALL OF US responsible for what happens in this country. We need to all stop sitting on our asses and assuming things like that our rights are guaranteed or that we can all sleep safely at night - we all need to be better citizens of the US AND the World....and that may very well mean giving up some control at times - or it might mean patrolling our borders better and becoming more closed as a nation - I don't believe in isolationism - I don't want it, but I also don't think we need to embroil ourselves in every single other country's domestic affairs - it makes us look like mother hens and aren't we a bit old for that? It's time to take care of our own needs here at home (charity DOES begin at home, kids) - that is not to say that we should not stop things like ethnic cleansing or stop madmen out there from destroying the world - but we have to pull together as the 'Global Police' for that, NOT the US's too taxing and all it does is make us more enemies...

I don't know all the answers - I do know I am sick and tired of having things taken away from me...I know I am sick and tired of watching us spend billions on wars, foreign aid, and general bullshit when we need more and better jobs, our infrastructure needs repaired and we need a better educated populace so they can get better jobs, afford to live in better homes, and go after their version of the American dream - if they so chose - if it even makes people happy (which I think it doesn't but that's another post for another time). We need to fight crime on the streets of our inner cities and help those kids and not be entering other countries where we have not been invited and police them - let them police themselves (or blow themselves up if that's what they want).

I agree with Mr. Greenfield on some points - if we do deny Dubai access to our ports and then something does happen, who ARE we going to blame? Look in the mirror my friends....we're our own worst enemies...

ABC News: Man Accused of Illegally Harvesting Dead Bodies

ABC News: Man Accused of Illegally Harvesting Dead Bodies

I was sickened by this program....

Even more so becuase I work with a transplant department....

My God! How horrible....

Thursday, March 09, 2006



I've also thought of going here to teach....

YogaJournal.Com: Teaching Grounded Meditation

YogaJournal.Com: Teaching Grounded Meditation

I actually worked with this teacher - he's amazing....

(I probably should not say this - he's realy cute too)


Wellness in Costa Rica - Pura Vida Spa

Wellness in Costa Rica - Pura Vida Spa

Thinking about working here....eventually - perhaps sooner than that...

The shape of things to come

Slate Magazine - Editorial and Political Cartoons, Comic Strips least if the current adminstration has their way...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

DailyOM - Things That Annoy Us

DailyOM - Things That Annoy Us

...yes teacher...I have much to learn....

I want to know....I *REALLY* want to know...

I want to know how some of my friends (and even acquaintances or absolute strangers for that matter), who voted for George Bush, can look at themselves in the mirror...

I really do...

How do you get up in the morning knowing there's a madman/blithering idiot at the helm? Do you get some perverted pleasure in knowing the leader of the most powerful nation on earth can’t articulate in an intelligent manner? I mean is it too much to ask to have someone who is smart in the Whitehouse? I guess embarrassing...

What so *you* don’t need an abortion today, or contraceptives? Perhaps your privacy isn’t all *that* important to you? How about peace, remember peace? What, is that just too ho-hum for your tastes? We are and have been treading in really dangerous waters here….it’s really scary…but yet you aren’t frightened are you? Have they not trampled on something sacred to you yet? (Like our constitution?????? Remember that???? Is that not important anymore???) Or is it that you feel it's the price you have to pay to be safe?

I have friends who are gay – they aren't suppose to be in love – they aren't *allowed* to be in love...they can't be parents yet they'd make amazing parents...gee so that’s *your* business now, is it?

I see young women who have no choice but to get their pregnancy terminated – or a lot of women who's partner’s condom broke and now they have to take the morning after pill – well guess what – I guess they are screwed literally and figuratively – what do you have to say for yourselves? Guess you’re glad not to be in that situation yourself huh?

I just don’t get it...I really don't – I can't remember when I've been more ashamed to come from this country…and that’s sad because I really do love this country..but our founding fathers (all of whom are STILL smarter than G.W. although they’re dead) are rolling in their graves...

Are we seriously at the point where we need to give up our freedoms? And what does that have to do with me making MEDICAL decisions about MY OWN body and since when is it anybody else's business including yours? When has it ever been? I said it before I will say it again – when we decide it's time to keep men from doing something to help their penises perhaps the tide will turn. I mean this is crazy and you all know it right? WE ARE NEVER GOING TO ALL AGREE ON ABORTION – we simply aren’t but just because I don't agree with you on something, that does not mean I have the right to take away your right to decide what to do for yourself. Pro-life my ass – have any of you ever thought about what that term even means? What you think, that I am Pro-death? Think again asshole. It’s a matter of me having the right to choose – I would defend YOUR right to choose – I don't recall there being a bloody revolution (as well there should have been) when G.W. cheated to win the first time around and we all kind of had no choice but to accept, albeit begrudgingly the second time around….but now all this abuse. Lies, contempt, innocent people dead, rights being swept away, wars begun for false reasons, Bill Clinton was impeached for lesser offenses, and give me a break – do you really think I cared that he got head from an intern? That’s his wife's business not ours...and as Arlo Guthrie said “If anyone deserves a blow job, it’s the President…” and if we want to go to the arena of moral fiber – how many of you really think ANY of the former presidents were not guilty of such indiscretions? (G.W. probably can't even spell that word correctly)..a lot of them DID have affairs but thanks to the fact that the media was not embroiled in every single aspect of the president's private life or up their asses so to speak – most of us didn't know what they did behind closed doors and that included policies both domestic and foreign (did we forget that Franklin Roosevelt lied to this country to get us into WWII – luckily we didn’t know until much later or he’d have been impeached eh?)...but what impeachment is TOO GOOD for the likes of criminals such as Dick Cheney and George about jailing them? You know kind of like what we are doing to the people in Gitmo - what is it we do to citizens for the crime of treason? Are the president and vice-president citizens? Are they? Or are they above the laws AND the constitution of this country? If you are going to sell my country out from underneath of me while simultaneously stripping me of my personal rights – in my book that's a treasonous act...

Like I said I want to do you people look at yourselves? Do *you* want to be the ones going down and talking to the poor people of New Orleans and explain to them that the President DID lie? ‘Cause we can’t blame it on the Governor or Mayor now, can we? Or perhaps you in your delusional state you about the homeless? How about the fact that they spend billions of dollars on a war that *I* certainly didn't approve and yet I can't afford to send my son to college or buy a house – every American's dream huh? Life, LIBERTY...(do you have any idea what the word LIBERTY means??? guess not)....I guess we are not guaranteed our dreams – and no I am not saying I expect Uncle Sam to ‘take care’ of me or even my son – but I do expect our government to not waste money and to help the poor, to not cut social programs and to be careful with the lives of the citizens of this country but I suppose that is asking too much.

I don't think being a liberal should be like drawing a line in the sand – don't you want things for your kids? Don't you want to try to help those less fortunate than yourselves? Don't you want to live in peace with your neighbors globally? Don't you want to be tolerant of others?

Like Ann Coulter, I am not calling for the poisoning of a Supreme Court justice but then claim I was just kidding...Um yeah OK why isn't she is jail? *I'd* would you. Like Dick Cheney, I didn't just go out and shoot someone but am now saying that one country can't have nuclear weapons; while at the same time my boss just told another country they *can* have them, wtf??? So what now, it’s up to the glorious US to decide who has the nukes too? Did we forget that we are AGAINST nuclear arms proliferation? (Bet G.W. can’t spell that word either...)

So again tell *DO YOU* look at yourselves in the mirror?