Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Going, going...

gone...

I need to go, I need to get far away...

I just don't have the strength anymore to pull this all off and pull it all together. I tire of pretending. I miss so many things that the list is endless....

but mainly, I miss me.

Monday, January 11, 2016

RIP Starman

He finally had to return....

Thank you, Mr. Bowie

His last music video will haunt us and perhaps inspire us to rise as well.

Thursday, January 07, 2016

Unicorn Land

A place where...

You don't have to really be good at anything, or excel because, well...
You're a Unicorn!
Where you will always have a 'get out of jail free' card.
Where people will bend over backwards to excuse you from responsibility
Where all your needs will always be taken care of.

But beware....once you venture out of Unicorn Land....


....things may just get real.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

And so it begins...again

I know I said I was gonna move this blog...and sure...that'll happen.  In the meantime, much stuff-n-things are going on...so you all know, I have made a foray into a new position and am now a case manager...to say it is difficult work is an under statement. To say we are judged because people have an opinion already formed is also an under statement. To say they tell you, warn you, prepare you for all the shit you are gonna go through - under statement is putting it mildly.....

To that end, I am going to begin again to journal - but in a much different way...a very non-Colette sort of way (but perhaps she will peek her head out to share her experiences in Paris this past summer, qui c-est mes amis).

And now, for something completely different:

From the Trenches - A Case Manager's Journal

When he is ‘him’ the smile in his eyes can rival the sun. His realness shines through. I have been dealing with ‘him’ for several weeks now. He chronically abuses alcohol. We first met when he was in the hospital and the diagnosis was not good. His liver is shot, his pancreas is next. He is with his girl, who never leaves his side, is practically living at the hospital, but then, she is practically homeless along with him. I am introduced to mom, who has taken over his medical care, hoping against hope to save him….from himself.

We are told in social work about self-determination, about honoring and respecting clients. It is a razor’s edge line we walk because at the same time we are ‘helpers’ – we want to save people…but we can’t.

This man seems to do OK after release from the hospital. After they have pumped his stomach, run tubes into him, detoxed him. We have all agreed to a family meeting, where the mom wants me to push her agenda. I am in a word, ambushed. Not by just by mom, but by this man’s sibling with whom he is temporarily staying, who angrily looks at me and asks: “Just what good are you?” After swallowing my anger and indignation, I turn this question on myself and panic…what good am I?


I tell the family meekly that I will work hard to try to stabilize this person, but that he also has to participate, that he has to want to do this work – I feel like I am reading from a telephone script, telling the listener that if they buy what I am selling their life will be complete…only deep down, I know the truth…and the ‘what good am I’ rings through my head over and over.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

A 'punch in the gut'

...or 'gut-wrenching' I will never in my entire life, (barring Alzheimer's or dementia) - forget the feeling of being at Ground Zero in NYC, March of 2012.  It was, what I imagined visiting a concentration camp, or any other place where many people died in a tragic/horrifying way...

Here the NY Times discusses the museum and provides haunting photos.  I've no real reason to want to go to the museum, but I feel the coming generations of school children should make the trip - the same way they visit Gettysburg, or other places of historical portent.

Friday, May 02, 2014

Packing the boxes

...and soon will move the blog to the new digs:

www.colettesgrave.com

Since I am not really an 'org'anization - LOL - more of an institution.

Not sure if I am going to have a new look or not....it will be fun to play around.

The move coincides with a project I am working on to help people tell their stories of recovery - to give hope to those still suffering and their loved ones.  Too many kids are dying from drug use...and I feel compelled to do what I can to get the message out and remove the stigma from this disease so people can get the help they need. We've been in the dark too long...it's time for some light.  Anyone out there who reads this blog - write to me at colettes.grave@gmail.com or colettes_grave@yahoo.com if you are interested in contributing or know someone who might want to share their story of hope.

Cheers!

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Readying for 'the move'

School, Work, Family, 'Do-Gooding-Stuff', Friends, Housework, Kids...the list is endless and I have come to crucify myself for not having time-management skills...but yet...I really do not think it is the case.

I have begun a new project, and I am cautiously excited about this...but the time...where the fuck do I find the time?

School will be ending briefly, only to start up again...and..I want to devote myself to learning...but how?

Work - this job is beyond ridiculous...feel like I am 12 years old instead of a grown up and the things they wanted me to do for them...they won't let me do..is that just me?  Do I have to turn into uber bitch to accomplish anything?  Why do people feel that politics in the workplace are productive, let alone healthy? WTF?

Thank God/dess for my husband who helps, who supports and who loves me through all of this...

I will be working on moving this blog...yeah, as soon as possible - or as soon as they add another 10 hours to the 24 hour day...

Je t'aime mes amis
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